5 Years

This is the last year I am going to post the anniversary of my release from the treatment center that I spent 3 months of my life.
I have yet to buy one of these incredible necklaces. Every time Ben has money and looks they happen to be out of stock. However, when we are broke they are in stock. Isn't that how life works? CRAZY! He really wanted to buy me one this year because 5 years in recovery is huge to him. He is sure that I probably would have been dead if I didn't do this program.
As I look back on the last 5 years, this year has probably been the roughest as far as staying in recovery and using different coping skills to cope with life.
I was going to post a picture of me, but as of the moment I don't look a whole lot different from when I was admitted. However, I am happy to say that it is only because I am nursing a baby and not because I am starving. She happens to take everything I have, which I like being able to eat whatever I want. That won't last when I am done nursing and my healthy weight returns.
It is quite triggering to me to be where I am at though. I have to fight everyday not to like it too much and want to stay where I am. That is part of recovery though, you learn different ways of coping with life's stressors and triggers and you consciously have to practice them every day.
I have to live moment to moment sometimes to get through the day. I have such an amazing family. Both mine and Ben's family have been so supportive with everything this year as always.
Sometimes I don't know what I would do without my mom or Ben's mom helping me with my kids.
I have made it though another year with the help of Heavenly Father and Ben. Seriously, they are the reason I am still in FULL recovery. I am so glad I have them to lean on. I am so glad that Heavenly Father doesn't get tired of my endless prayers to just make it through the day without slipping. I don't want to ruin my long 5 year streak of being healthy so I have relied a lot on prayer. I am so grateful for the gospel. I am grateful for Ben and his constant encouragement, love, caring and support and for just listening to me. I am grateful for Ben's parents, for giving us a wonderful place to live, for helping me be able to say that I have been in recovered for 5 years by helping me get treatment. They are the most amazing in-laws a girl could ask for. They raised the most amazing son. I am grateful for my parents for their endless love, support, and encouragement.
I have not relied much on therapy this year. In fact, I only went twice when I was pregnant. So I'm pretty proud of myself for doing it on my own with my support system. Here is to another 5 years of being HEALTHY!!!

Mesmerized

We started letting Kynz watch Baby Einstein at about 3 months. From day 1, her eyes have been completely mesmerized by the show. She has such a fast mind like my other two kids that she just wasn't a happy baby. So my mother-in-law suggested that we put Baby Einstein on for her. Genius idea. It calmed her right down and her eyes were glued to it the entire show. She has loved it. We will put it on for her at night when we can't get her to give in and go to sleep and a lot of times she will stay awake until it is over. This is how I found her the other day while I was doing my hair. Aiden freaked when he saw her like that and made sure she was buckled in, which she was. He is such a good protector of his sisters. I hope it always stays that way. I am so grateful for the little things like Baby Einstein.

Kynzee

My grown up baby just turned 8 months on Dec 28th.
I am so sadened by this. It's sad that my last baby is growing so fast. It makes me wish she wasn't my last.
Kynz weighs 13 pounds and is full of curiosity. She is everywhere. She scoots on her belly like a little inch worm and sits up very well. She still isn't crawling nor does she have any teeth yet. However, she has already had her first ear infection and her first cold that has now turned to a bacterial infection as well as chronic thrush (since birth), but that still hasn't stopped her.
She is definitely a momma's girl, which I totally need right now. My other two kiddos have always been connected to daddy and I finally get a chance to experience that. I LOVE IT!
She loves to stay awake and NOT sleep. She wakes up every two hours some nights and has never slept through the night yet. My kids for some reason do not like to sleep. I can't wait for the teenage years when they want to sleep all the time (that is the ONLY thing I look forward to).
She hates binkies now and refuses to take a bottle, but will drink out of a sippy cup. So now I can find a job and maybe she will survive with my mom again. She doesn't have a favorite toy or blanket yet, but she does LOVE to snuggle, which I LOVE. We have enjoyed having her in our family and love watching her grow. I just wish time would slow down just so I can savor every moment.

Bryn's Surgery

I am so behind with my posts it is way pathetic.

I am so behind on my posts, it is really pathetic. Brynlee had her tonsils out on December 7th.

This is pictures of her sadness. Her tonsils have been touching for who knows how long. After her horrible bout with strep throat and RSV that landed her in the hospital last Februrary, I asked the doctor if her throat could be a reason why she doesn't eat at all some days as well as her poor weight gain. He agreed that it could be a reason and said if she had any more episodes then we would look into getting them out. Well because of insurance purposes we had to switch doctors (I literally cried and cried), so I took her to another amazing pediatirican after Kynz was born and asked his opinion. After hearing that she had lymphocytic colitis as well as HUGE tonsils that were touching. He took one look and said they had to come out. The ENT said that this was also the reason why she woke up almost every night. So after having to deal with scheduling issues, we finally got them out. She did soooo much better this round of surgery. We had warned the anesthesiologist of what happened last time. He had advised us not to leave her side for an entire week and that we would have to sleep by her and everything to keep an eye on her breathing. It did not help that she had a little cold, but the anesthesiologist said she did a lot better then he thought she would do with her vitals. He came and checked on her twice to make sure she was okay. I was sooo impressed and grateful. I am soooo grateful for amazing, caring doctors. We had no choice but to hurry and get this done before the end of the year. Our insurance covered it 100%, which will be the last time they ever do that. Starting 2012 they will only cover 70% with a 20,000 dollar out of pocket instead of 8,000 dollars which we met this year. BLAH Since her surgery, Bryn has finally slept through the night. It has been wonderful for her. Now I wish Kynz would do the same :)

First Snowfall of the Year

Brynlee and Aiden built this snowman ALL by themselves. The first snowfall of the winter brought such excitement for them. They did an amazing job on the snowman. When I asked Aiden why the snowman had red eyes, he informed me that it was a Vampire. When I asked him why he didn't have a hat on, he replied with "because it's grandpa" Ben's dad is bald and so he made a vampire snowman that was grandpa. SO FUNNY. Apparently the snowman tasted really good to them, they were eating him. YUCK!

Merry Christmas

Don't mind the mess in the background.
We had a lot of mess in a little space. This year for Christmas we did something a little different. We told the kids they were only getting 2 gifts because there was absolutely no room to put anything. They seemed completely fine with that.
This year I wanted to do a Christmas tree just for Christ, but I never got it done, but I will attempt again next year. I wanted my kids to focus on the Savior more this year and I thought that a tree just for him would help. Because I failed at that, we watched the Living Scriptures The Nativity many times. Brynlee loved watching it over and over.
I am never in the Christmas spirit especially the last couple years or more. It is next to Thanksgiving as one of my least favorite holidays. I am horrible and wish I could just skip Christmas. It is way too stressful and depressing for me...another reason why I wanted to do a tree for Christ. Don't get me wrong. I love giving gifts and finding that perfect gift for someone that is sentimental that they would never expect is my most favorite. I hope that I will eventually start liking it again. Maybe when my whole family can be together again. It just isn't the same without my two brothers and my amazing sister.

Training

The other morning Ben's mom told Aiden that she would have to go to work at the office instead of down the hall. His response was "why?" She said "Because I have a training" He said "Are you training to be a Jedi?"

Only Aiden would think to say that. Seriously I love that JEDI.

Fall Family Pictures (part 1)

Ben's sister Brittany took these pictures in October. She did a wonderful job.